The Roots of Dreams

Well, my root HAS improved. And Don decided my push-hands has improved enough to start teching me fa-jing (fa-zhing? not sure of the usual spelling). The idea is that, without force, you explosively release energy from the Dan Tian into your opponent. It is very difficult to resist...make that absorb and neutralize; we're not supposed to resist in taiji (Resistance is Futile!). Anyway, I got it to work once on Don. Mostly, I tend to try to do it too slowly. But Don said he wasn't holding anything back today in push-hands, and I actually managed to deflect quite a few of his attacks. Not all of them, but that's not really a surprise. It doesn't seem like very long ago that I had no clue what I was doing.

Another surprise today: James dropped in. James came regularly for two or three months, then sort of disappeared. Don speculated that his wife had put pressure on him to quit, but if that was ever the case, it certainly isn't now. Apparently she's been asking James to teach HER taiji. I suspect that his absence may have had a lot to do with his work schedule, actually. I know he used to work at K-Mart, and they kept wanting him to work on Saturday mornings. But he's been practicing on his own, and (much to Don's surprise) has made improvements working on his own. Hopefully he'll be able to come at least semi-regularly now.

Anyway, I've remembered two dream segments that don't seem to connect to anything else. I have no clue when I dreamed them, except that they were on different nights. In the first one, I'm driving down a windy hill, nearly careening out of control around the turns. Finally I remember that the car has a brake, and push on it. Nothing happens. I push harder, and harder, and finally the car begins to slow down. And that's it. The obvious meaning (assuming it has a meaning) is that there is some portion of my life that feels like it's out of control. However, I can't think of any such portion, so I think the dream was just random.

The other dream segment was shorter, but more interesting. I was meditating, and suddenly my mind opened up to encompass the whole universe; there was no difference between me and the universe. Then I lost that feeling and was just me again. I don't know how to describe how that felt...it was like a whole world opening inside my head, but it wasn't just inside my head. I wonder if that's how enlightenment feels... I really don't know.