April Searchlight (delayed by showers of madness)

I'd actually forgotten about this until I saw that Matt's was up... Long semester, I guess.

are corn chex gluten free: NO!!! The evil barley malt people strike nearly every non-specialty cereal. Don't bother with them. Even if the ingredients are clear, they're almost certainly processed on equipment that also processes gluten.
dexter season 1 nudity: Mildly excessive in a few places, but tolerable. The main characters always have something strategically placed, interestingly enough, so that only extras are shown in their birthday suits.
hat-filled: Ummm... then I suppose it fits?
odd day logic: It's dark outside, therefore the sun has hidden itself in a volcano?
"i get cavities" dentist: Try a fluoride rinse. Or is this some weird comedy sketch?
"mabinogi" food increase breast size: Sorry. I'm bemused beyond the capacity for rational thought.
"stripped threads" plumbing: If there's a way to fix it, it probably costs a lot. I just replaced the whole faucet. It needed it, anyway.
"were gonna have to redo every conversation we ever had": Seems to be a quote from Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Also seems to be lacking proper grammar.
a poem about not being fragile: Er...
There was an old codger from Kent
Whose spine was exceedingly bent
He replaced it with rebar
And now he can tee far
Without fearing a further spine dent.
(it's probably awful, but oh well)

biblical innacuracy: See "redundancy."
comparison nietzsche and plato: Well, they're both dead... And Nietzsche had this notion that Socrates had made the world less tragic and that this was, in itself, a tragedy. At least, that's what I got out of it.
dead week tips: Keep breathing.
fire bad tree pretty meaning: If you have to ask, you've never been there. Try, exhausted to the point where those are the only thoughts you're capable of forming.
gf slogans: Er, "Non-Poisonous Food For All"? The only real one I can think of is "Against the Grain."
have nightmares black cat: No, thank you. Though I once had a nightmare about a big black dog ripping out people's throats. It's the only nightmare that I know for sure I woke myself out of, as I didn't really want to see the rest of it.
my root chakra is black: First question, what does black symbolize to you? If it symbolizes life and vibrancy, don't worry about it. If not, visualize a color of light that does symbolize life streaming into it. And if you're depressed, or have other serious problems, please see a professinoal about them. Visualization only takes you so far.
physiologic basis of vampirism meaning: One or the other I'd understand. What does the physiology have to do with the meaning, except case by case?
scenery of hell: Having just watched the source episode, this seems appropriate--

Hawkeye: War is worse than Hell.
Father Mulcahy: How do you figure that?
Hawkeye: Tell me, who goes to Hell?
Father Mulcahy: Sinners I suppose.
Hawkeye: See Hell doesn't have innocent bystanders.

And that wraps up this (slightly late) edition of the Searchlight. Good night, Fare well, You've been a Wonderful Audience ... And I've obviously been watching waaaay too much Monty Python lately.