30 October 2006

Realization

It's not exactly news to me that I'm not interested in doing research, whether it be in math, physics, or some other field. I read about the process, nod to myself, and have no inclination to go through any of it myself. Grants? Papers? Conferences? I just don't see the point. I mean, it's great that others do, but I can't muscle up any enthusiasm for them whatsoever.

So then I start researching the publishing process. There are definite similarities. Instead of grant proposals, there are query letters. Instead of papers, there are stories and novels, etc. And there are still conferences. But when I look at the publication process, I get interested and excited, and start thinking things like "That's not too bad. I could manage that." I suppose one major difference is that you don't need grant money to get started. In theory, all you need is a pen and a piece of paper (though personally I prefer my laptop). But, still, the idea of getting my writing published fascinates me. The idea of getting funding for research, presenting research, redoing research, bores me to tears.

I suspect this is why I've never made any actual effort at getting my doctorate. I still take classes now and then, but the classes interest me more as chances to solve strange and abstract puzzles. I'm not all that interested in pushing the envelope to puzzles that haven't been solved yet. It's not something I'd want to put a lot of effort into. Yet I'll spend an entire day just thinking out plot elements and character development, and not consider it work. So...conclusion? I'm a writer who'll never make it as a scientific researcher. Kudos to those who enjoy that, just keep it away from MY desk. ;^D

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